The 3 AM wakeup call
Photo by Evelyn
(a personal story)
The other night, I was woken up by my partner getting home. I tried to go back to sleep, but it was too late in my mind. I was already up.
I have been reading Old Path White Clouds by Thich Nhat Hanh. A book about the story of Buddha. The story has been such a pleasant read. One of adventure, and a desire for a better life. Earlier in 2025, I embarked on my own spiritual journey, where I landed (thanks to a dear friend) in Theravada Buddhism. Hence why I am reading the book. Yet also!
Since I moved to Toronto (and maybe even a bit before then) I have felt a bit lost. Trying my best for new opportunities and what I know. Stumbling around with some success. Yet I still felt a sense of something missing. Fast forward to now, and I now know what I was missing.
My spiritual development.
Spiritual development, to me, also means working on your mental health. Both combined are filled with an abundance of peace, once practiced in a wholesome way. I am very grateful to have had my friends’ support in helping me find my spiritual path in the way I was looking for it. Now I keep with a weekly sanga sit on Sundays, and a meditation practice (for the most part) every day for at least 20 minutes a day.
The best part about mediation is that you can start slow. Sit for 1 minute, increase, sit for 5 minutes, increase, sit for 10 minutes, increase, and so forth. You can sit, walk, lie down (as long as you don’t fall asleep yet if it happens, start again) in mindfulness. What I love most about Buddhism is simply put. To live a wholesome life free of suffering.
Yes, we need to suffer to overcome areas in our life, yet at the same time, this does not need to be (should we choose it) our full existence. So as I was woken up at nearly 3 AM I had to practice my own mindfulness.
Granted, at first I was not grateful. Sleep is extremely important to me. I wake up early and I go to bed (relatively) early to start my day and make the most of it. I felt a bit annoyed about it, yet once I continued to read my book, then I realized that this was a great opportunity for me to meditate. When one can’t sleep, one must meditate!
And so I did. I started walking meditation. Walking to one end of the room, turning around and walking back. Hearing the click of my ankle as I walked, yet trying not to pay too much attention to it and did my best to come back to my breath. Then I had an urge to sit. As I sat, I finally came to the realization of what my own purpose was.
In the last few years, I have struggled not just with my spiritual practice, not just with “my purpose”, yet with the work I do. I kept trying to think to myself, “what is it that I need?”. The only certainty I had was moving back to Europe. The rest, I took it as it came. Yet during these early hours it all became clear.
I have a clear goal as to what type of job I want to have. This job must help me have time freedom and financial freedom:
deepen my spiritual practice by allowing me the time to take off and be in meditation retreats;
work in other areas in the world remotely;
volunteer to help more people be at ease (make food to contribute, donate)
I want to liberate my suffering. It’s always been a goal I just didn’t realize it until now.
If I am lucky in this lifetime, i’d like to have a family so we can also be liberated together. We can hold wholesome values, have a diligent spiritual practice, and be as giving as we can to those who need it most.
After such a finding, I realized that if it wasn’t for my partner waking me up around 3 AM. I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to expand my vision for 2026.
It’s currently October 11th as I type this. I know the wheels are turning in a way that everything that is meant to happen will. When I deepen my practice, the rest will fall away.
Stay diligent,
Stay patient,
Stay compassionate.
